how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
