Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
