Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
