Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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