at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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