grandma shit on top of the toilet
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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