So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Semen is not good for contacts.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
