youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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