i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
