There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
