My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
