textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
