Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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