I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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