When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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