I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
