I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
