I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
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He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
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Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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