Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
