she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
