i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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