Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
