I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
