Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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