i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
