Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
this just has baby written all over it
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
