I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
