Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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