Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
