oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
