he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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