Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
