i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
