So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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