God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
