I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
