the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
