why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
