evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
