you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I will pee on everything he values.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
