I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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