CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
