I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
