White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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