our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
