Old men and throwing up are my life now.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
