My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
