I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Is Oprah even human
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
