dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
