Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize