you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
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