her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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