Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
