Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
