My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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