so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
