My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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