Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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