My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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