Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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