Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
