dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
