So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
