Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
