Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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