dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
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