how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
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I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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