I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
