I am in a vortex of obligation.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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