:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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