Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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