We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
