seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
