just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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