i always forget guys have bellybuttons
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
