The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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