Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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