he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
