Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Randomize
